Going into my first year of college at Trevecca, I didn’t have much experience with making close connections with other people at my school. For most of elementary school and some of middle school, I’d been homeschooled, so my education experience was limited to just a couple of people who also happened to be my family members. I went to public high school, but I kept to myself. I told myself that learning was the only reason I was there, not chatting with people I wouldn’t see again after a year or two, so school was very much something I got through rather than something I enjoyed. I was very much focused on trying to get everything figured out so that someday, when I had everything together, I could enter new spaces with the ability to easily take on anything that came my way.
If you’d asked me before my freshman year if that pattern would change in college, I think my answer would be cautiously optimistic. College felt like a new start for me, but as I discovered moving between schools as a kid, it’s so easy for a new start to become just the same thing in a different location. I think that could have been the case now too, but as I look back on where I was, I’m so excited to see how much has changed in the past few years. I’ve stepped out of my shell in more ways than I expected, and I’m learning to enjoy the process rather than speed to the end.
I’m totally serious when I say none of this change would have happened without the wonderful people at Trevecca who have not only pushed me to leave my comfort zone but have welcomed me into the spaces where that challenge has brought me. That started with my major. When I arrived three years ago as a scared freshman, the English professors did so much to help me learn and stretch myself. I don’t know how I would have made it through all the learning curves and imposter syndrome of my first semester if Dr. Reid and Dr. K hadn’t helped me navigate their classes and given me the encouragement to love learning even when it was hard. Throughout my later semesters, Dr. Philip also created a space where I was able to get out of my comfort zone and discuss ideas, even when I didn’t quite understand them yet. In my creative writing classes, Professor Hillard’s feedback challenged me to not fear others seeing my work and to accept criticism and compliments with an openness to learning. I have gained so much more confidence because of those classes.
In my time at Trevecca, I have become someone who gets involved in ways that would have felt beyond me before. Growing up as a shy kid, I’ve always felt how intimidating it is stepping into a space where you don’t know people, where you’re trying something new that you might not be good at. A big part of it becoming easier is putting yourself in those places, but it’s a two-way exchange. If no one creates a space for new people, it’s hard to find your way in. I’d experienced going to events at churches or at school where I stood awkwardly, trying to start conversations with people who clearly weren’t looking for anyone new to talk to, where every possible niche seemed to be filled. I am so glad that pattern has changed since I’ve been at Trevecca, as I’ve found spaces where there’s a place for me. One professor who has created space where I felt welcome was Sam Stueckle, and I’m grateful for the mentorship role he’s taken on for me and many other students at Trevecca.
The theatre program at Trevecca has been a place where I have found community, where I have been able to participate in creation and being a part of something, whether that was doing improv exercises in class, designing props or acting onstage. I went to my first audition freshman year terrified that I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t have enough experience or talent to be involved in theatre. Now, I’m graduating with a dramatic arts minor, and I’m so glad that I’ve found that even if I never do theatre again, I got so much value simply from engaging in that collaborative creativity. I’m thankful for Jeff Frame encouraging me to continue pursuing learning in each class, to go beyond my comfort zone again.
I’ve talked a lot about leaving my comfort zone, about being pushed to try things that I’m not as good at as I’d like to be. I think relationships might be the biggest thing that falls under that category for me. It’s scary to try a new activity or a subject, but friendship can be more intimidating than any paper or presentation. There’s a vulnerability in going beyond small talk and exposing your true feelings that I struggled with for a long time. Yet, in the past three years at Trevecca, I’ve been learning. I’ve found that I have people with whom I can share my joy, my grief and my fears, and that I don't need to hold my emotions so close to me. I’ve learned that instead of hiding until I figure everything out myself, I can show myself, still not fully formed, to people who will love me and help me grow.